It’s almost always better for
parents to resolve custody disputes without going to Court. However, sometimes Court simply can’t be
avoided. There are strategies that every
parent should follow both inside and outside of Court to strengthen their
position when the time comes for the judge to make a decision. Here are some of the most important:
OUTSIDE OF COURT
No Games – Judges absolutely hate it when it appears that the
parties have been playing childish games, especially when it affects their
children. Common examples are when a
parent purposefully withholds information about a doctor appoint or school
function, passively prevents contact with the other parent by not keeping the
child’s phone charged or allowing them to return the other parent’s calls, or
denies possession altogether. It does
not matter if the other parent is playing the same games or “who started it.”
No Parental Alienation – Judges can usually tell when a parent has
been trying to influence the child’s attitude about the other, especially when
he or she conducts an in-chambers interview with the child. No
matter how great the conflict between the parents may be, it is always frowned
upon when one parent tries to turn the child into ally against the other.
No Substance Abuse – Judges usually do not have a problem with
alcohol use in general, and it is not uncommon for one party to accuse the
other of drinking too much. However,
drug use is always problematic, as is excessive consumption of alcohol.
Be Careful What You Put in Writing – There is simply no place for
threats and abusive language, especially in writing. Just about anything you post on Facebook or
write in an email is admissible in Court.
A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't want the Judge to read it
or see it, don’t write it or post it.
INSIDE COURT
Avoid Overly Criticizing the Other Parent – Remember, this is the
person you chose to marry and have kids with; exaggerating their faults and
drudging up events that occurred long before the divorce was ever filed usually
looks worse for the party making the accusations than it does for the one being
accused. If a Judge has to pick someone
to be the primary conservator of the children, he or she is looking for the
most mature and emotionally stable parent.
A big part of proving that maturity is demonstrating an ability rise
above the conflict, forgive past offenses, and a capacity to cooperate with the
other parent when the divorce is over.
Focus on the Children – This tip goes hand in hand with avoiding
too much criticism. The Judge wants to
avoid disrupting the children’s lives as much as possible, so he or she will
want to know much more about their needs than whatever gripes the parents have
against each other.
